So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
