I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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