I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
