I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
