just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
it's like heaven, but drunker
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
