There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
