the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
