why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
