apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
