I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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