Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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