omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
