Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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