Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
