So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Pants are for mortals
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
