I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
