whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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