you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
