The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
