so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
