you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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