so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
