$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
