Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
