I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
pop tarts are not kleenex
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
