I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
