No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
