It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
