he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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