Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
