That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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