GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
