I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Randomize
