Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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