the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Randomize
