Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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