yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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