Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
