how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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