Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
