She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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