I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
