dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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