I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
