Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
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