I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Randomize
