I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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