my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
