YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
