I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
This baby is an asshole
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
