We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
