I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I am midnight drunk by noon
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
