Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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