paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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