I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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