3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
