'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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