All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
