Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
