I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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