i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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