Ketchup is God's man juice
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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