Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
