My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
