I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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