I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Randomize
