Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
