Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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