I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
