Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
