we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
