If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Operation Purity has been aborted
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
