God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
