Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
time to smoke my breakfast
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
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