wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
