Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
