I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize