Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Randomize
