well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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