just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
