First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
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