The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
